Welcome to my life

About two years ago I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder; for those of you that don’t know what it is, is not like when you are feeling nervous about something in the future and you over eat, it’s a psychological disorder in which you tend to feel chronically anxious and fear and this makes you have irrational patterns of thinking (I’m leaving the link of an article that explains how is like to have anxiety https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2018/02/my-anxiety-convinces-me-that-everyone-hates-me/). Anxiety happens because the levels of serotonin in the brain are low, so it’s harder for the person to see the bright side of life. As long as I can remember, I always knew that the way I thought and dealt with different types of situations was different than the majority of the people around me, but I never knew exactly what it was. The older I got, the more serious the circumstances I started to face, this type of thinking, behaving and reacting got worse. I was diagnosed because I was going through a very rough moment in my life and I searched for professional help. Let me tell you that when I was diagnosed, I was so relieve! No because having a psychological disorder was a relieve, but the fact of knowing exactly what was wrong with me and that I was not just plain crazy; then I knew what I was fighting against, before I was just kicking the air. When you know what you are fighting against, you learn and know how to combat. I’ve been a Christian almost my entire life, so I’ve always known the importance of renewing my mind and the power of the tongue, which before been diagnosed I did all the time and sometimes I felt frustrated because I did not understand why it kept happening. So with all these I understood that it’s not that renewing your mind and controlling what you say is not part of the things you need to do, but now you learn how to specifically do so. Since the day I was diagnosed I realize the following: I am NOT an anxious person, I am a person that has crisis or episodes of anxiety; anxiety is NOT who I am, I am a daughter of the most High King who has crisis or episodes of anxiety (thankfully I grew up in a church that teaches you your identity in Christ). With these said, I know who my God is, I know He is a healer and I know that in the same way He can heal a disease such as cancer or diabetes, He can heal mental disorders such as these, because He came to heal the brokenhearted (Luke 4:18) and if you study the word heart of these verse in the greek talks about the soul, the mind. Unfortunately, this are things that are not normally talked in church or in the Christian communities, but that is a topic for another time. Moreover, since I was diagnosed it’s been a process of believing and healing but it has not been easy. It’s not only the crisis you have to deal with, but also the guilt and condemnation it comes afterwards. However, through this I’ve learn that guilt doesn’t come from God (some preachers said it does) given that it brings condemnation with it. On the contrary, what comes from God is conviction that brings repentance. I know is easier said than done, but is not impossible, because the greatest One is inside!!!!! In this process I have learn that if a “normal” person needs to pray, I need to do it the double, if a “normal” Christian needs to renew his/her mind, I need to do it as double, because the fight is not won without a battle. I also learned that the people closest to you are very important, basically because they can help you or they can destroy you. I’ve been so blessed to have a family that is supportive, they go the extra mile to remind me of all my qualities and how important I am for God and for His purpose on this earth, which is crucial since anxiety disorder makes you focus only in the wrongs and makes you feel that you are not loved; also they constantly remind me how much I am love, by God, them as my relatives and many others. When it comes to friends, unfortunately in the past, my wisest part was not developed and I surrounded myself with people that made me feel and told me I was unlovable. Thank God I’ve learned a few things since then and have become wiser and even though those words have been ones of the hardest to overcome (Words are powerful... the power of life and death are in the tongue <Proverbs 18:21>), now I have people that are more than amazing; honestly, the people that have helped me the most is not the people I thought would, which thought me how great God is. In my personal experience the people I least expected, are the ones that have taken my hand and have helped me walk this path, some without even knowing what was going on and other without even noticing what they were doing. Since that day, a couple of years ago, things have become a lot better, my crisis that were every week now are months apart. The irrational and recurrent thoughts now only occur when I have a crisis/episode and this only tells me how amazing and wonderful my God is!!!! I know he has healed me and will continue to do so, sometimes healing is instantaneous, but most of the times is a process. I refuse to take medication, but this was my personal choice, however if you are taking any or the doctor is telling you, please do so for your recovery; in my case, I took this decision in prayer and every case is unique; instead I took my medication of the Word of God and His presence, and even though at times it has been challenging, I know its been more effective than any medication that could have been given to me. Through all this process, I've been serving God and doing the things He has told me to do, and everything that I know to do in my life and in my service. Many times we think that we need to be perfect to serve God and be able to do what He is telling us to do, but I'm here to tell you that His Grace is sufficient; it is not in your own strength but in His. He can use you if you have a heart for Him, a heart to serve Him, and you are NOT ALONE! If for any reason you, anyone who is reading this, is going through something similar or maybe not similar but is having a really rough time, look for help, first from God because you can be 100% sincere with Him, He doesn't want your lies to pretend to be perfect, He only wants YOU, your imperfections and everything else, and also from someone around you that you can trust, God knows we need each other, that's why He created Eve for Adam. Know that no matter how hard things seem never forget greater is the one inside you and He loves you more than you can ever think or imagine, thus you are here for a reason and for a purpose!